Why I'm Still Angry

tw: homophobia, transphobia, suicide mentions

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Something I see a lot on Twitter is a variation of this: "I don't see why everyone on here has to be so angry about something all the time. Why can't we just talk about the things we like?"

Sometimes it's worded more softly. Sometimes it's more aggressive.

I'm going to endeavor to explain why.

I'm gay. You know why I'm angry? Because people like certain clerks I won't even bother to name would refuse me and my hypothetical husband a marriage license solely because we are the same gender.

You know why I'm angry? Because discrimination based on someone's perceived sexuality or gender is legal in so many states. In employment. In housing. In public accommodations.

You know why I'm angry? Because I'm eighteen years old and I have no choice but to know what the term "public accommodations" means.

You know why I'm angry? Because yesterday in an almost assuredly queer-accepting Youth Identity classroom setting, I was in a group discussing which assignment we'd choose to read, per the professor's instructions. One of them was an article called "Coming Out in Middle School." And I suggested the article about using song in classroom settings instead—not because I wanted to, but because I have to be thinking about my sexuality whenever I am around people, every time I am around people.

You know why I'm angry? Because I carry the weight of every person murdered for their sexuality, their gender, in my bones.

You know why I'm angry? Because songs have to be written to explain to the general public that it's okay for them to treat me like a human being.

You know why I'm angry? Because I aced my high school sex education class and I have no idea how non-heterosexual couples have sex.

You know why I'm angry? Because there are churchfuls of people who want me dead.

You know why I'm angry? Because those people who want me dead want it on principle—they don't know me.

You know why I'm angry? Because there are currently countries where it would be legal to kill me.

You know why I'm angry? Because I hear the word "f*g" every day.

You know why I'm angry? Because Tyler Clementi never got to see gay marriage legalized nationwide.

You know why I'm angry? Because I might've met Tyler Clementi—I go to his former school.

You know why I'm angry? Because I told my mother I was gay, pleading for her not to let anyone know, and she informed two people within the week.

You know why I'm angry? Because I know beyond any doubt my older sibling would assault me if he found out.

You know why I'm angry? Because forty-one percent of trans and gender nonconforming people have attempted suicide.

You know why I'm angry? Because you can compare that to 1.6% of everyone.

You know why I'm angry? Because I was one day away from attempting suicide before I got help because I thought I was hopeless—because I'm gay.

You know why I'm angry? Because not one person knows the reason I wanted to commit suicide was absolutely and irrevocably tied to my sexuality.

Stay angry. Stay furious. Stay protesting injustices. Stay unsatisfied. Stay in "call-out culture." Stay improving. Stay vocal. Stay helpful. Stay open. Stay safe. Stay here with me.

Please.